For god's sake, YOU MUST CHANGE THE SUBTITLE! Calling it "years 1-4" leads any normal viewer to think you mean it's for 1-year-olds to 4-year-olds. It wasn't until halfway down your post that I saw you meant *grades* 1-4. You absolutely, without a doubt, must change it. "Grades 1-4" would be fine, or something else if you don't want to reinforce the grade level system. But "years 1-4" cannot be the subtitle if you want your audience to understand what you're offering.
The complication here is that, while the ideal reader is the parent of a kid in grades 1–4, it’s also going to be super-useful for parents of older kids. So saying that it’s for “the first four years” was supposed to capture this ambiguity.
But you’re right — the phrase is TOO ambiguous. I’ll switch to calling it “Grades 1–4” for the time being… but I wonder if there’s another way to capture what I’m trying to do.
Ok, three notes, one minor, one bigger, one about Kickstarter broadly:
1) is the Eganize my Project art AI? Using AI art, esp on a paid project, is a dealbreaker for a subset of KS backers.
2) it feels like the tone of your initial pitch is to frustrated homeschoolers, but I’m wondering if that’s your target audience or if it’s proficient homeschoolers who want to get more under the hood/customize. If someone *doesn’t* feel stymied, the initial pitch may be telling them it’s not for them.
Either way, definitely a help to have a sample lesson for download to see what you think.
3) finally there are two very different approaches to KS goal setting. You can set your *real* goal or a much much lower one with the goal of building momentum by clearing it quickly and then adding stretch goals to summit (all on the way to your real target). The latter is common in rpg kickstarters, where people want to join a popular and successful project.
I like your 2nd note. I would classify myself as a proficient homeschool mom but always looking to better customize for my kids. More always optimizing, less frustrated.
I really appreciate this. I feel like my brain's "internal marketing copywriter" is perpetually set to "forestall dire disaster!" rather than "optimize" — would anyone have an example of what I might consider changing?
I was going to make the same comment (e.g. this sentiment: https://substack.com/@shadowrebbe/note/c-66652373). You open with the statement "Learning can be joyous — so why is homeschooling so hard?" Which I think makes each successive mention of the hardness stand out. Maybe something that captures the sentiment that the combination of learning and homeschooling can being joyous, e.g. "learning through homeschooling can be joyous" (though this more gets at the kid's experience than the adult's experience.).
Hi Brandon, excited to see this project! I did a small scale self-published book project on Kickstarter a while back (like < 100 copies / $2k, just for fun) but also a long-time backer of like 100+ Kickstarter projects & glad to chat if it might be useful.
Main comment on the draft is I'd guess almost nobody knows what "Egan Education" means (I'm mainly only familiar via your writing despite being very interested in education & having read one of Egan's books) so might want a really clear concise framing of the big picture philosophy / key insights as a hook right up top. "Intellectual adventure" sounds a bit general; I really like the phrasing "re-humanize and re-enchant everything your kids learn", could be nice to touch on that a little more earlier! I do also like the info on Egan but I think for people new to this, the intro feels a bit long of a buildup. I'd also be into a few examples, even things drawn directly from past newsletters, to bring it to life with more concrete illustrations, especially for people who aren't coming in familiar!
Oh also, small thing but "years 1-4" tripped me up too, first thought that meant the age of kids when later you clarify you mean "grades 1-4". Makes more sense but my kid is just about 1 so early childhood edu is more on my mind :) Maybe it can be a little more vague like elementary school age to capture the range a little more flexibly?
>> “ Main comment on the draft is I'd guess almost nobody knows what "Egan Education" means”
You’re totally right, and I’ve thought about whether that means for the subtitle. Part of me agrees with you in thinking that means “Egan” shouldn’t be in the subtitle. The other part of me thinks that the subtitle is the perfect place to plop this new name, to (1) help introduce it to the homeschooling community, and (2) mark the book as offering something weird and new.
hi, are you going to integrate the pattern languages and touch the other stages like "romantic understanding" in this book, asking because feels like this may deal more with "primary understanding"
Yes! Since the book is for grades 1–4, the focus will be the growth from Mythic (🧙♂️) to Romantic (🦹♂️ ) understanding. But to do that, we’ll build on a lot of Somatic (🤸♀️) stuff. AND we’ll show how this is laying the groundwork for Philosophic (👩🔬) understanding. (Poor Ironic will be left in the cold for this book, I fear… Well, there’ll be two more books to go.)
For god's sake, YOU MUST CHANGE THE SUBTITLE! Calling it "years 1-4" leads any normal viewer to think you mean it's for 1-year-olds to 4-year-olds. It wasn't until halfway down your post that I saw you meant *grades* 1-4. You absolutely, without a doubt, must change it. "Grades 1-4" would be fine, or something else if you don't want to reinforce the grade level system. But "years 1-4" cannot be the subtitle if you want your audience to understand what you're offering.
Ha! You’re right, and I will.
The complication here is that, while the ideal reader is the parent of a kid in grades 1–4, it’s also going to be super-useful for parents of older kids. So saying that it’s for “the first four years” was supposed to capture this ambiguity.
But you’re right — the phrase is TOO ambiguous. I’ll switch to calling it “Grades 1–4” for the time being… but I wonder if there’s another way to capture what I’m trying to do.
"the elementary years" could be nice and vague enough, but capturing the grade/ages of those kiddos!
Ok, three notes, one minor, one bigger, one about Kickstarter broadly:
1) is the Eganize my Project art AI? Using AI art, esp on a paid project, is a dealbreaker for a subset of KS backers.
2) it feels like the tone of your initial pitch is to frustrated homeschoolers, but I’m wondering if that’s your target audience or if it’s proficient homeschoolers who want to get more under the hood/customize. If someone *doesn’t* feel stymied, the initial pitch may be telling them it’s not for them.
Either way, definitely a help to have a sample lesson for download to see what you think.
3) finally there are two very different approaches to KS goal setting. You can set your *real* goal or a much much lower one with the goal of building momentum by clearing it quickly and then adding stretch goals to summit (all on the way to your real target). The latter is common in rpg kickstarters, where people want to join a popular and successful project.
I like your 2nd note. I would classify myself as a proficient homeschool mom but always looking to better customize for my kids. More always optimizing, less frustrated.
I really appreciate this. I feel like my brain's "internal marketing copywriter" is perpetually set to "forestall dire disaster!" rather than "optimize" — would anyone have an example of what I might consider changing?
I was going to make the same comment (e.g. this sentiment: https://substack.com/@shadowrebbe/note/c-66652373). You open with the statement "Learning can be joyous — so why is homeschooling so hard?" Which I think makes each successive mention of the hardness stand out. Maybe something that captures the sentiment that the combination of learning and homeschooling can being joyous, e.g. "learning through homeschooling can be joyous" (though this more gets at the kid's experience than the adult's experience.).
Hi Brandon, excited to see this project! I did a small scale self-published book project on Kickstarter a while back (like < 100 copies / $2k, just for fun) but also a long-time backer of like 100+ Kickstarter projects & glad to chat if it might be useful.
Main comment on the draft is I'd guess almost nobody knows what "Egan Education" means (I'm mainly only familiar via your writing despite being very interested in education & having read one of Egan's books) so might want a really clear concise framing of the big picture philosophy / key insights as a hook right up top. "Intellectual adventure" sounds a bit general; I really like the phrasing "re-humanize and re-enchant everything your kids learn", could be nice to touch on that a little more earlier! I do also like the info on Egan but I think for people new to this, the intro feels a bit long of a buildup. I'd also be into a few examples, even things drawn directly from past newsletters, to bring it to life with more concrete illustrations, especially for people who aren't coming in familiar!
Oh also, small thing but "years 1-4" tripped me up too, first thought that meant the age of kids when later you clarify you mean "grades 1-4". Makes more sense but my kid is just about 1 so early childhood edu is more on my mind :) Maybe it can be a little more vague like elementary school age to capture the range a little more flexibly?
>> “ Main comment on the draft is I'd guess almost nobody knows what "Egan Education" means”
You’re totally right, and I’ve thought about whether that means for the subtitle. Part of me agrees with you in thinking that means “Egan” shouldn’t be in the subtitle. The other part of me thinks that the subtitle is the perfect place to plop this new name, to (1) help introduce it to the homeschooling community, and (2) mark the book as offering something weird and new.
Thoughts?
hi, are you going to integrate the pattern languages and touch the other stages like "romantic understanding" in this book, asking because feels like this may deal more with "primary understanding"
Yes! Since the book is for grades 1–4, the focus will be the growth from Mythic (🧙♂️) to Romantic (🦹♂️ ) understanding. But to do that, we’ll build on a lot of Somatic (🤸♀️) stuff. AND we’ll show how this is laying the groundwork for Philosophic (👩🔬) understanding. (Poor Ironic will be left in the cold for this book, I fear… Well, there’ll be two more books to go.)
Writing a book is not easy. Good luck!